Heart Attack
Ever played the card game 'Heart Attack"?
It's a game whereby players will take turns to open cards and if the same 2 matching cards open consecutively, the first person to shout 'Heart Attack" wins.
It's a game whereby you have to keep your eyes peeled and be on the lookout for it.
Likewise in the medico-sphere, especially during night calls, you have to keep your eyes peeled and be on the lookout for it.
Yes, for heart attack.
Because like the card game, it has the tendancy to pop up any minute.
Saviour
Prof has re-ignited my passion in medicine.
Observing him during morning rounds, pondering his train of thought and management plans have made me more interested than ever.
And his clinical acumen is unfallible.
As the Chinese saying goes: "The old ginger is always the spiciest."
Presentation
Receiving a call from the secretary informing you that you have to present in 3 days' time is not good news.
Preparing for the presentation over the only Sunday that you are off the whole month is saddening.
But at the end when I look at my slides, I'm happy and feel a sense of achievement.
When somebody comments and says it was a good presentation, I feel life is good again.
Broken Spirit
It's been so mentally draining recently.
I'm beginning to have self-doubt over my abilities to be a capable doctor.
Doesn't help that I don't get any encouragement.
Right now I don't really want to do medicine.
Because it's just too tiring.
And when I'm so tired, I really don't feel like helping people.
My temper is short, my mood is foul, my face is in a perpetual frown.
I don't enjoy what I do.
What a stark contrast to my first month.
When I was tired but happy, doing what I did, helping patients.
It's not where you are, it's who you are with.
A New Start
7 / 6 / 2006
"We all make mistakes. The most important thing is to learn from them."
I need to reflect on my actions, my work.
I have been far too busy to sit down and think.
"We don't make mistakes. Because when we do, patients die."
If my actions caused harm to any patient, I would be guilty forever.
Even my death would not atone me.
Random Thoughts
1) I need a life. Thank god I took leave this month.
2) How do you learn when you are busy? If your mind is jammed with the results of your patients, you don't have space to ask what are the symptoms of meliodosis.
3) Work is never finished.
4) How can you evenly distribute work, making everybody happy?
5) Gosh, who's going to cover me when I go on leave?
6) I'm down with a sore throat, must be because of that old lady coughing in my face while I was trying to set a plug on her for 1 hour during my nightcall.
7) World cup is coming up! Go Italy!
8) Hmm... I need a haircut.
9) I'm going to sleep...
Tekan
A consultant once said to us, " You should know how to be a house officer when you are a medical student. When you are a house officer, you should know how to be a medical officer."
People don't change overnight. Neither do one wake up the next day and suddenly knows how to be a medical officer.
The only way to to take up more responsibility as a house officer. To be able to manage a patient wholly on your own with minimal supervision from your consultant is the aim.
Wish me luck.
